1x08 – Form and Void
Childress is creepy, his smashed dolls in his house, his Dad tied in the outhouse, his flowing between gravelly Southern accent, an Irish accent and an upperclass British accent. “You haven’t made flowers on me in weeks” sounds like it means sex, which is creepy as well, especially as the mention of Grandpa makes them sound…related.
Geraci being forced to watch the videotape, doesn’t surprise me, and again, by not showing what happens, it feels more horrifying. Geraci’s admittance that the file was changed by Sheriff Ted Childress, and he just followed orders, because Childress said he knew the family of the missing girl, ties back to Rust’s theory of corruption. Rust setting up Geraci, by saying that his fingerprints on the videotape, combined with lawyers prepared to release all their information, is an intelligent touch as well, very Rustin Cohle esque.
I love the fact that Marty cracks the case, an off-hand comment of looking at the case with as if they were “green” by Rust, making Marty think of paint, it’s the first clue Marty completes himself, and it feels rewarding that after all of Rust’s brilliance, Marty gets him moment in the sun.
Marty and Rust’s conversation about the fight, (Rust totally held back), and Rust blaming Marty for pushing her away. I actually giggled at this conversation, they were like petulant children, and it had a great cap-off with the line “What’s scented meat?” by Marty.
Discovering that the green ears were from paint, and using previous customers and tax deduction to discover “Childress and Sons”, had a realistic monotony to it.
Then Rust and Marty arrive at the home of William Childress, with Rust immediately realizing it’s the home of the killer.
Childress reminds me of Jason Vorhees, a giant with deceptive speed, and watching Marty as he clears the house, with Betty the mentally challenged woman, is unnerving, full of tension. Marty finding the decomposing body of William Childress just added to the creepiness.
And then Childress disappears into some large structure, with Rust and Cohle following him in. The large structure, bricked walls and tunnels, with sticks and grass overflowing through, with corpses, is an unforgettable image, as you hear Childress’ poetic mumbles, proclaiming it “Carcosa”.
Rust’s vision of a galaxy, was a gorgeous image, then whiplashed as he gets sliced through the stomach by Childress. I barely breathed as Rust and Marty fought the giant, Marty poleaxed in the chest, Rust gutted in the stomach, with Childress surviving gunshots and headbutts, before his head gets blown off by Rust.
Marty calling Rust his mate, gave me a lump in my throat, and then seeing his family surround him, as he breaks down, and admits he isn’t fine, was heartbreaking.
The Tuttles may have gotten away with it, and Errol Childress is the only suspect, but seeing Rust alive during the news flash, made me punch the air. I think I’d have cried, if he’d died.
The montage of the surrounding areas of Louisiana, and all the important locations, ending on the large tree where it all started, was beautifully melancholic.
The final chat, where Rust tells of how he saw his daughter, and wanted to die, was an emotional moment, and then the final line, of how “the light’s winning”, with a shot of the stars in the midnight sky, was perfect.
And then, it ends…
1x07 – After You’re Gone
There are two episodes left, and I can barely hide my excitement.
Rust looking brittle, according to Marty, is probably the best description of Rust in 2012. “If you were drowning, I’d throw you a fucking barbell” is a great line, just one more to the huge list of fantastic dialogue.
Watching Rust and Marty in the bar is like witnessing two young bucks seething and circling, butting heads over who is the true alpha male.
And we finally arrive at Rust’s storage shed…and it looks terrifying. It’s like the ultimate wet-dream of obsessive investigators. This feels like the ‘expositional’ episode, and yet I still reckon it’ll be awesome.
So, Governor Tuttle was seemingly interested in the Dora Lange murder because he possibly recognized the murder scene. Charlie made mention of men committing sacrifices, and both Tuttle men could have been involved. When the men took pictures of naked kids, they were seemingly wearing animal faces, except for three younger men, one of whom had scars around the bottom of his face.
The Spaghetti Monster picture is back, possibly the man with the scars, according to Rust, sounds plausible enough to make sense. There are ties to a Mardi Gras event, which included women tied up, blindfolded, like Dora Lang. Rust believes in a conspiracy set up by both Tuttle men, who could possibly be using State PD as their pawns, including Detectives Gilbough and Papania.
Rust breaking into Tuttle’s houses doesn’t surprise me, he’s the sort of crazy but determined bastard who would take that chance.
Marty meeting up with Maggie has a melancholic edge to it, a sense of finality to it, their polite attitudes depictive of release from each other.
Rust’s refusal to watch again and Marty’s reaction to watching it, is more impactful than anything we could have seen, and it is a brilliant choice of direction. It makes sense that this would be what makes Marty agree to helping Rust, it shows that for all their mistakes and darkness, they are the men who are willing to take the bigger bads down.
Seeing Marty on Match.com and eating microwaved dinners, whilst seeing Rust bin bags of bottles, as they both put on appearances about how their lives aren’t that bad, is pretty depressing to watch.
Seeing all those boxes from before ’05 of unsolved cases, is daunting, and realistic enough to feel just as depressing as the lies Rust and Marty tell to hide their problems.
Watching Marty come up with lies to help him and Rust interact with witnesses ties into his strength, of being able to converse with people. This comes in handy when they meet an old domestic who worked for Tuttle’s father, who mentions something called ‘Carcosa’, and an old friend of the Ledoux’s.
And then it turns out, Steve Geraci, one of Marty’s old friend and Rust’s enemy, had investigated the original crime in ’85, never mentioned anything, and is now the Parish Sheriff. I always thought there was something off about him, so I was quite pleased to see I was right.
I did laugh when, after Marty chatted to Geraci, he rang Rust and told him “Better get those jumper cables read, motherfucker’s lying”.
Maggie showing up at Rust’s bar was a bit of a surprise, I admit, but it showed the kindness she actually has.
Marty saying how he quit, because some tweaker tried microwaving a baby, makes sense as the crime that finally made him leave, the imagination I have makes this horrifying enough that I don’t blame him for leaving.
The Bird’s Eye View of the marshes was a beautiful shot, one that amplifies the lushness green grass and the tranquil blue water. And then Rust prepares Geraci for an ‘interrogation’.
But, holy crap, we see a man on a lawn mower, with scars on his face, giving directions to Papania and Gilbough, before they drive away. And I swear down, we saw him before, when Rust and Marty first got a lead on Reggie Ledoux.
Oh, bloody hell, I’m barely able to keep my excitement down.
1x06 – Haunted Houses
Marty’s beating of the two lads who had sex with his daughter was really dark, and for a minute I thought this was a foreshadow for him being involved in the murders, until he puked out his car. For me, that puking moment could be vital, a way of saying that for all his dark anger, he doesn’t have the true stomach for the darkness.
Cohle investigating the case of a missing boy, seemed suspicious, until the mention of Tuttle, who has slowly been more prominently mentioned.
Maggie is being interviewed in 2012, and I love how strong she seems, the fact she has a new husband, a refusal to be messed around.
Marty going shopping, and bumping into Beth, the former child prostitute, was a bit coincidental.
Rust finds the old Minister, Theriot, now a drunkard. He’s asking about Wellspring, a foundation that helped inspire all the schools Tuttle had set up, who supposedly used to cover up scandals of molested children. Theriot found a folder of naked children, which when he took to his superiors, forced him to stay silent.
I wasn’t that surprised to see Marty ending up in bed with Beth, I actually expected it to happen.
Rust telling a woman who killed her kids how difficult prison will be, and that if she gets the opportunity, she should kill herself, was another dark moment, but feels like quintessential Rust.
Rust interviewing the girl who ended up catatonic after Ledoux’s attacks, who admits there was a third man, a giant with facial scars, was creepy to watch.
Rust’s investigation being closed down, with Marty refusing to believe in him, definitely feels like the world is turning against Rust.
Marty coming home briefly, to clean his clothes afterwards, was a stupid mistake, as it made Maggie suspicious, and she discovered the picture of a topless Beth on his phone.
Rust’s interview with Reverend Billy Lee Tuttle was daft, and explosive, with Tuttle calling the Department, and Rust getting suspended for a month.
And then Maggie arrives at Rust’s place, where they end up fucking…and it turns out it was a ploy by Maggie, to make Marty leave. I admit, I’m a little disappointed to see Maggie use Rust like that, but I can understand her thinking. The pleasure she seems to take out of telling Marty this, surprised me, but it does seem like she’s going for the jugular, to help push him out of the door.
The moment where Marty leaves his gun in his desk before going outside was a clever move, and the fight between them is violent and bloody, with Rust almost ready to break Marty’s wrist. I liked the extra moment when Rust says “Stay down, Marty”, and Rust saying after “I quit. Fuck this shit” was the perfect anti-climax to the scene.
And then we cut to 2012, with Rust flagging Marty down, suggesting they talk, in the first moment since the fight.
This entire episode feels like the explosion of tension from the entire season, and the final end of the past, before focusing on our present.
1x05 – The Secret Fate Of All Life
DeWall Ledoux gave me an actual shiver, as he tells Rust that “there’s a shadow on you, son”, telling Rust he’s full of darkness, which could have been outlandish and laughable, but instead was chilling.
The location where DeWall leaves his truck is beautiful to look at, lush greens and placid walls, with gnarled trees of history to look at.
Marty saying how he has told the same story for 17 years because “It only went down, the one way” is a fantastic line.
The score is immense, the vocal representation of a creeping, oncoming storm. Reggie is an extremely creepy character, his smug grin disconcerting. And then Marty finds a truck, with two kids hidden inside, storms out and blows Reggie’s brain out, and DeWall runs onto a mine. The fact that the scene is played out during the voiceover of both Rust and Marty telling the lies of the story they concocted to cover them, is a fantastic idea and one that works perfectly.
“Time is a flat circle” is possibly the creepiest aspect, the idea of futility, the idea that those kids would forever end there.
Rust getting a commendation and Marty being promoted to Detective Sergeant gives the lies the perfect ending.
The previous four episodes have gone between 1995 and 2012, but this is the first time you enter 2002, the middle of the story, as we see Marty’s family relationship, and Rust’s interrogation.
Cohle getting a reputation as a renowned interrogator, one who you call in anytime you can, makes sense as well, the idea that Cohle is perfect at manipulating criminals into confessing.
Marty admitting that his biggest crime was not his affair, but his lack of attention on his kids, is the sort of false truth he’d make for himself, wanting to focus more on his idealism of family, than the truth. Seeing Marty slap his daughter Audrey after being caught in a car having sex with overage boys shocked me, I have to admit. I did not expect to see Marty do that, but I cannot completely say it was uncalled for. There are probably a lot of parents who would admit they would have done the same thing, after she said “Fuck you” to him.
Rust’s monologue about how time is not necessarily linear, it’s just how we perceive our interpretation of time.
Watching Rust in interrogation is clever dialogue, but then the shit hits the fan. The prisoner starts saying how he met “The Yellow King”, the guy who committed the murders, as well as a name nobody released to the police. Rust goes mad, refusing to believe him, but when he returns the next day, with Marty, he finds the prisoner committed suicide, after a phone call with his “lawyer”, the sort of “lawyer” that makes a phone call from the middle of nowhere.
We get a gorgeous shot of Rust next to a tree, in the middle of a grassy field, the sun in the sky behind it, another brilliantly aesthetic shot.
The idea that the present day Detectives suspect Cohle of being behind the murders all along, makes complete sense in retrospect. Them saying how Rust was photographed at a murder scene, describing how Rust came up with every piece of evidence, set up every lead, is terrifyingly true, and seems to be convincing enough for Marty. The fact that Cohle refuses to deal with them, and walks out, will probably have consequences.
And then we see Rust, in 2002, going to the old abandoned religious school, and finding new evidence of stick sculptures, is terrifying.
I have to admit, I have no clue who it could be, and that makes such a refreshing change.
For me, this episode is about the fall out of the solving of the case.
1x04 – Who Goes There
Reggie Ledoux sounds terrifying, I can easily believe he’s the creepy guy in the grass with the gas mask. Rust saying he reckons Charlie showing the Polaroids to Reggie probably did get Dora killed, it was harsh but funny, I couldn’t help but laugh.
The suggestion that Ledoux was involved with rich men, who ‘worship the devil’, and sacrifice women and children, seems like the sort of over-the-top investigation that will distract the Detectives from the true motives for Dora’s murder.
Lisa’s anger at Marty and his blase attitude seems like the sort of thing that will come back to bite him in the ass.
The desperation to find Reggie leads them looking for people who are affiliated with Tyrone Weems, a mutual friend of him and Charlie.
I wasn’t surprised to see the Lisa went to Maggie and told her all about their affair, and I was really glad to see that Maggie was brave enough to leave with the kids.
Iron Crusaders, a motorcycle gang who supposedly buy bulk drug orders from Reggie, sounds like the sort of dangerous gang that would populate Sons Of Anarchy.
Maggie’s bollocking of Marty when he accosts her in the hospital was great to see, I think Marty is an awesome character, but the repercussions of his fuck-ups are great to see him suffer from. It was also refreshing to see Rust basically tell Marty to shut up about Maggie and Lisa, especially when saying he’s surprised Marty couldn’t see the craziness he got himself involved in.
The idea of Rust going rogue, taking personal time so he could immerse himself into his old cover from his Narcotic days, is fascinating to me. But him snorting cocaine to help his story seems the sort of excessive aspect he’d undertake, I worry a little about whether he’ll get caught or not.
Rust saying his dad had cancer and he wanted to take some time off to check on him, is unsurprisingly suspicious.
I was quite impressed that Rust was willing to let Marty live with him, considering they’re complete opposites. Rust meeting up with Maggie to pass along messages from Marty is quite dangerous for him to do, Marty is paranoid enough about their relationship as it is. It was quite clever of Rust, though, to lie and tell Marty that Maggie is softening, in order to keep Marty from being distracted, even if Rust is coked up to the eyes.
The meeting with between Rust, or ‘Crash’, and Ginger, was terrifying in just the build-up, yet alone as Rust is dealing with these bikers, high on drugs as he’s talking. His story about security for a Mexican cartel, and being drawn into taking down a stash house as part of a four man team, is dangerous territory.
Marty entering to find Rust, just as he gets taken away on a boat, felt like it could blow the whole thing up.
And then Rust, Ginger, their hostage and two men, enter the Houston Projects, and the tension is building, and building. Even Rust putting a kid in the bath tub, so as to protect him, is terrifying. That tracking shot, as Rust and the team break into a stash house, then a firefight breaks out, and then they escape, running through the Projects, is an excellent piece of cinema that demonstrates a talent able to challenge themselves as far as possible. What a brilliantly directed scene, I applaud the director, and am gasping at the bit to watch the next episode.
This episode was seemingly about the depths that man is willing to fall to, whether in his personal or professional life.
1x03 – The Locked Room
I love the noiristic imagery in the opening credits, the hazy sexuality and intertwining religious iconography is great.
The evangelist Joel Theriot, as played by Shea Wingham of Boardwalk Empire, has a great line about what you show on your face is not who you are. Rust’s theory of how people who use religion to be good demonstrates people who aren’t worth life because they aren’t truly good, is fascinating, whereas Marty believes religion helps give people belief. I have to admit, I fall more on Rust’s side, but maybe that’s just me projecting upon myself through his words.
The first suspect they have, Bert, a slightly retarded member of the church, who was arrested when young for public masturbating outside a church, is instantly cleared, as he was castrated in prison.
Rust wanting to research dead bodies over the last five years, to build a profile of a possible serial killer, is shot down by Marty, who considers Rust too narrow minded to work with what he has.
Maggie and Rust’s conversations about bettering himself demonstrate a connection between the two, the fact they find it easy to converse.
Rust mowing Marty’s lawn, and Marty’s annoyance at it, has two meanings: one, proving Marty’s incapability to release possession of something he deems his, and two, the obvious subtext of how he’s bristling at any positive relationship between women he possesses, and other men.
Marty and Maggie’s conversation with their daughter about pictures she has been drawing of naked men with penises and women was suitably uncomfortable, and it feels like a set-up for future occurrences.
Marty’s determination to keep appearances up, is seemingly finally broken by an angry Maggie, who seems to have reached her tether. But then he admits he feels all fucked up, and it segues into a sex scene between the two, the first truly compassionate scene between them…but is it just paper being plastered over the cracks in their relationship.
Rust, suffering from insomnia, spends his nights researching old cases, looking for other murders akin to Dora, whilst lamenting the inept sanctity of life.
Marty and Maggie have a double date with Rust and Maggie’s friend, Jennifer, but Marty is distracted by seeing Lisa with another man, and instantly, he’s on edge, angry and flustered at Lisa daring to want someone else. And when she admits she doesn’t want to marry him, his ego is bruised, making him more angry. And that leads to a drunken Marty arriving at Lisa’s, and beating her date violently, as he hypocritically tells of the importance of family and boundaries to the present day Detectives.
And then Rust finds a previous victim, one called Rhianne, found in a river, but with similar wounds and drawings to Dora, but only two days left before Task Force take over.
“World needs bad men. They keep the other bad men at the door” is my favorite quote, one used in all the trailers, and to me, it defines Rust and Marty better than any other quote. They’re flawed, messed-up, but that means they reach the depths of darkness required to stop the monsters out there.
Rust and Marty meet Rhianne’s grandfather, and finally get a good suspect: her ex-boyfriend, Reggie Ledoux. He’s a former rapist and drugs maker (LSD, Meth, both drugs found in the victims), he was in the same cell as Dora’s ex, Charlie, and he skipped out on parole eight months ago. And as the two of them speed to find Reggie, Rust tells us of how death is like a locked room, and how “like many dreams…there’s a monster at the end of it”. And then we cut to a tall man, in underwear, a gas mask, holding a gun, in long grass fields. That final shot, with Rust’s monologue, gave me legitimate shivers.
1x02 – Seeing Things
The theme song is reminiscent of Johnny Cash and Chris Isaak, giving it a slightly dark, dirty connotation, overtly masculine, before being serenaded by a soft, saintly female voice, a wonderful contrast.
Rust’s opening monologue of his ex-wife and daughter, how it was like his name was engraved in them, is good example of emptiness within him, a foreshadow maybe of how Marty views himself, defined by family.
The slow tracking past young girls, smoking cigarettes, on the way to Dora’s mother, talks of the corrupting vices that remove the innocence from people, a lead into the mother’s house, contrasting images of pills and the pictures of an innocent young Dora.
The Bird’s Eye Views of the detectives’ car continues the habit of maximising the space around the detectives, which I like.
The idea of how family defines you, Marty’s mention of his father, who could still take him by the end, and his already admitted view of the importance of family, continues to show the chasm between him and Rust’s loss of family and unknown parents.
“Like a torn-up person on her last legs” may be said by Rust about Dora, but could just as much describe Rust himself.
The shots of trees in the evening in a darkened haze and the picturesque image of fields and rivers are beautiful.
Rust finally telling Marty about his marriage, and daughter, is probably the first time that the two truly have a chance of understanding each other.
McConaughey’s drawl and haggard appearance in the future is so impressive to watch, his body language and every movement a diagram in emptiness.
Marty prides himself on appearances, whether joking with the guys in a bar, drinking, or being charming with Lisa, his affair.
Rust’s mention of how he suffers from hallucinations because of when he was undercover for four years in Vice, gives you an idea of why Rust comes out with such strange quotes, his world is misshapen and unclear, a hazy cloud of life and death. Marty is a control freak, uncomfortable with Rust because he can’t control his speech or actions, and is frustrated because he wants Lisa waiting purely for him, to pleasure him, getting annoyed that she goes out looking for a man.
Rust noticing that Marty hasn’t changed clothes, and the fact he can smell sex all over him, leads to a confrontation, Marty obviously angry that someone was observant enough to question Marty’s family man appearance.
Rust taking his jacket off and turning badass, forcing a confession from an unhelpful witness, backs up his threats to Marty that he could break his wrists, and I feel is a set-up for a later episode.
This episode repeats comments from the previous episode about how Dora went to Church, this time from teenage prostitute Beth, played by Lili Simmons from Banshee, continuing to build the idea of the Church as a dangerous, unknown entity.
Marty’s argument about Beth getting paid for sex, and her female pimp calling him a hypocrite, how Marty is just angry because it means women are no longer screwing for the ownership of men, but instead for their own money, was a fascinating scene. I already noticed Marty seems possessive, and this seems to hit close to home with him.
Rust’s present monologue to the two investigating detectives is brilliant, all about how after the death of his daughter, he become a druggie, before he killed a methhead who injected his baby with drugs. To stay out of jail, he become a floating undercover for Narco for four years. Hearing the depths he fell to, is quite depressing to hear.
Rust’s hallucinations of the sky turning color, suggests to me a foreshadow for a rolling conflict, one of blood and violence.
Despite Marty wanting to paint a good portrayal of family life, his mother-in-law knows things aren’t perfect, but Maggie promises that she would have out with someone she had problems with. And that she does, telling Marty that he doesn’t really want to be home, and he argues back, saying she should support him. The argument between the two portrays a decaying marriage, one held up by strings and lies. Maggie refuses to bow down, and Marty keeps picking at her, turning it on her. But the shot of the girls having laid out their dolls in as if a woman is naked and being attacked by men, is a violent punch into Marty’s mind, demonstrating how the work he does infects and corrupts his family and relationship.
According to Rust, his daughter dying, helped him avoid the sin, of being a father. I don’t know how to feel about that.
The Cult Task Force is made official, and Rust isn’t even pretending to accept them, with their boss telling Rust to keep his mouth shut. The scene where Marty and Rust are getting a bollocking from their boss, is actually really funny, Rust prompting a quote of “smart ass with your mouth closed” as he puts his hand up to ask questions. But most important, is the fact that neither of them want to give up the case, regardless of how difficult it is.
Seeing Rust and Marty arrive at the burnt-out church Dora frequented, as Rust watches crows fly into the shape of designs on Dora’s body, made me apprehensive at what could happen next. The placing of Rust and Marty in the church, with the spires and roof top, is beautiful direction. And then they find a painted mural of a woman tied up, with antlers on her head. As Rust put it, “sometimes I felt like I was seeing the secrets of the universe”. This series is really good at leaving you wanting more.
1x01 – The Long Bright Dark
There probably isn’t much more I can say about this show that others haven’t. But I will try to just talk about things I notice.
I watched the first episode when it premiered, and I thought it was a beautiful piece of art. I love the high shots, the Bird’s Eye View of the detectives driving, their car minimal in comparison to the landscape that surrounds them. It creates an image of how their actions may seem to have little impact upon the life around them.
Rust’s monologue of how everybodies self-importance is the worst thing possible, believing in entitlement, is a good example of the sort of dialogue we shall get from Rust.
The fact that the dinner at Marty’s house being the main drive of the episode makes sense, as the episode is about the burgeoning relationship between these two contrasting personalities.
The repetition of Rust mentioning “His daughter’s birthday” becomes a repetitive headbang, placing us into the mindframe of Rust as it overwhelms his emotion.
When Marty arrives at home, the quick shots of the height wall for his daughters, and the keys on his side, demonstrating his true drive, his daughters. But then we see him and his wife, her waking up alone in bed, waking him up with coffee, and him sleeping on his chair. The first depictions of a couple in a piece of media can be indicative of their relationship, and we see here that Maggie brings more to the relationship than Marty, him enjoying the idea of family, but absent in love, Maggie caring and dutiful, but hinting mentions of the daughters missing him.
“This place is like the memory of someone’s town, and the memory is fading”, talks back to the fact that Rust and Marty are describing events from 17 years ago, but is what they saying truly indicative of the truth, or manipulated by a faded memory?
“I don’t sleep, I just dream” reminds me of the dream-esque quality of the cinematography, that the creators aren’t sleep walking, but painting a lucid dream.
The discussion of the Devil Traps, the idea of being distracted by tying sticks together, with a shot of the Crucifix, makes me feel that the Satanic aspect of the case will in actuality, be a distraction from the true motivations of the case.
The body languages of the detectives when interviewing Dora’s ex-boyfriend Charlie, is a very subtle demonstration of the characters: Marty, who prides himself on appearances and his ability to interact with people, leans forward, in his suit, before removing his jacket, putting Charlie at ease. Rust, meanwhile, is spread back, tie undone, sleeves rolled back, removing himself from the emotional aspect, and creating a cold, analytical view.
The dinner meal makes the perfect climax to the episode, as beforehand, Rust and Marty were too different to work together, but the moment that Rust decides to stay, the direction between them changes. Rust’s admittance of his daughter being dead, to Maggie, is Rust opening himself up, the family setting drawing him in enough that he decides to stay.
Reverend Tuttle’s appearance, and the mention of a task force devoted to anti-Christian crimes, is a very unsubtle demonstration of pressure, especially the mention of the Governor, ‘Eddie’.
Lisa coming in with cases for Marty, and the rush at which he goes to meet her, makes it so obvious he’s having an affair with her, that it’s painful.
The musical build-up when Rust makes his way through the garden, before entering the wooden shack, is unnerving, setting tension, before reaching a crescendo as they find another Devil’s Trap.
Rust’s final line of “Then start asking the right fucking questions” is a brilliant line to want you to to continue, leaving the audience thinking “What questions, what questions?!”
True Detective is a 60 minute long Anthology series, that covers such genres as: Neo-Noir, Southern Gothic, Mystery, Crime Drama. The first I heard of this show was when I heard that trailers would be appearing on TV soon, and when I read Matthew McConaughey would be included, I instantly became interested. I first saw McConaughey in his 1997 film A Time To Kill, and I instantly saw him as an actor I wanted to keep my eye on. Even during his romantic comedy years, I thought he was a talent who had gotten into a rut, and just needed someone who believed in him to reinvigorate his career. And now, he’s an A-List actor, renowned for several roles in critical darlings. It was then that I decided to look up this series, and upon seeing names such as Woody Harrelson and Michelle Monaghan involved, my interest rose. The idea that such great talents would be involved in a television series gave me confidence that the standard of the show must be good, and when I read that it would be an Anthology series, I was officially hooked.
I have only seen one present day Anthology series, Ryan Murphy’s American Horror Story, a show I was less than impressed with. In fact, I thought it was a mess, and it wasn’t the third season that I finally decided to give it up. But the idea of a fully formed story over one season, demonstrating a beginning, middle and end, speaks so much to what I love about stories, that I decided to give True Detective a chance. And then, I saw the trailers, full of beauty and despair in equal measure, it was a love letter to my heart, one that made the show a must-see for me. My original plan had been to watch each episode as it premiered, except I made the fateful mistake of suggesting to my Mum, that she watch the first episode. Despite her reservations, she enjoyed it, and that meant I had to wait to watch each episode with her, which wasn’t easy as she was away for several weeks. It wasn’t until she returned, that I could watch the show. But the best thing about that, was that I could do a marathon: three episodes one night, three episodes the next night, and the final two episodes on the third night. Everything written here, is what I thought as it occurred, a live write-up of every episode, every scene, every moment. There will be a LOT of spoilers, I must warn anyone who reads them. With that said, let’s get started…
But the answer, can be extremely varied. This is not an article on the effects of alcohol, or to discuss the science of alcohol. This is purely, the emotion of alcohol. You hear stories about people drinking alcohol, and becoming more emotional, but is that relevant to everyone?
I know that I myself, am not an alcoholic. I don’t need to drink on a daily basis, I can go weeks or months without alcohol with ease. But what I am, is a person who enjoys the taste of alcohol. Not vodka, or cider, but beers, bitters, lagers, wine. As soon as I taste my first glass, I can enjoy the taste of it for several drinks. If it’s a late night drink, after two or three, I feel tired, and move onto something else. But during the day, I’ve had that first drink, and because I enjoy the taste, I want another. I have had several days with friends where one drink during the day has led to still drinking 6-12 hours later, enjoying myself.
But why do I drink? It’s not the need to be drunk, because I hate being drunk, I’ve actively fought over the last 8 years I’ve drank to make sure I hadn’t gotten wankered, and it is probably on two hands I have gotten extremely drunk. A lot of the time, I will eat beforehand, eat during, and drink in moderation.
But what happens at the tipsy stage? Most people get angry, or jealous. I know I have never, to my knowledge, gotten jealous, whilst drunk, and on maybe 3 occasions, at the most, gotten angry whilst drinking. Most of the time, I’ve found myself opening up. Not as in stories and deep emotions, but as in my love for other people. Yes, when tipsy, I get emotionally lovable.
There are many people in my life, that mean a lot to me. My mum, the most amazing person in my life. My family, who care so deeply, that when my mum is away, will ring me once a week (at least 2 out of 3 parts, the third part will text me irregularly to check on me) to ask how I am. My friends, who even in my lowest moments, still care for me. But, do I show it?
On a day-to-day basis, there are certain emotions I hope to demonstrate. When I was young, I was angry and frustrated, because of my Asperger’s. People couldn’t understand me, I couldn’t translate myself to them, and because of that, I hate life and people. But as I got older, and I realized my symptoms, I began to try and change my default personality. It took several years, but nowadays, my default personality, seems to be one that just, enjoys life. Every day is a gift, I enjoy the little things in life, no matter what.
But despite that default happiness, I’m not an emotionally open person, in that quite often, I can be appreciative of the love shown to me. And it is when I drink, that I become more determined, to want to tell my friends and family, how much I love them.
I think of my mum, a daily inspiration who I thank everyday for making me want to be the best I can be. I think of my two aunts and my gran, who are strong female presences, who make me appreciate any female I know. I think of my granddad, who is the strongest paternal inspiration I have had in my life, one who everyday makes me want to be as kind and loving a man as he was, one who at his funeral, had so many loved ones, they had to have the church doors open to fit everyone in. I think of my uncles, who since my granddad’s death, have tried to protect me every time they see me, check on me, care for me, and inspire me to be the best man I can be. I think of my friends, who even in my lowest moments, seem to still love me. My mum once said, that I have a habit of collecting loyal friends, who would love me through thick and thin. And I like to think that the reason for that, is because I’m the same. I don’t care about the differences between me and my friends, I care about the similarities we have, the idea that there is an emotional similarity that makes them amazing people that I feel privileged to share my life with.
So, what is alcohol to these relationships? Alcohol is what allows me to strip my fears, my shyness, and to be able to tell them how much I care about them. Last Christmas, I sent several messages to close friends, telling them how much they meant to me. Was I slightly inebriated? Yes. Did it mean those emotions were lies? No. It just means that I am so afraid of opening up emotions, that telling these people who mean so much to me how I feel, needs special occasions and alcohol, to occur. And that Christmas, I remember telling at least one of my uncles, how much I loved him, because I always felt guilty for never telling him.
Alcohol, to me, is not a weapon, and it is not something to be feared. In the right intake, it doesn’t make me hyper, or happy. It just makes me determined, to tell those I love, how I really feel. Because everybody, no matter what, has an ego, that needs to be told how much they matter, because it drives them to continue. I love my friends, and family, and I wish everyday I didn’t feel shy or shamed to tell them. But after a few drinks, as I loosen up, suddenly telling them how much they matter to me, doesn’t worry me so much. Do I like the fact I need alcohol to be truthful? No. But do I regret needing drink to open up to people I love? No, because then I think of how cold a person I would seem, the idea that I could never hug a friend or family member, tell them how much I appreciate them, and how much of a dick I would probably be.
Alcohol is a controversial subject. It is contributed to discussions of affairs, abuse, rape, anger, etc. But just for once, I would like to give alcohol a credit, to those who can be happy and loving, but when they want a true, honest, bare moment, need a little liquid courage. Because at the end of the day, alcohol is deemed to be the drink of those who want forget, and sometimes, it’s their fear they want to forget. So, in essence…when I drink, when I get to the tipsy stage, it makes me want to tell those who matter to me, how much i love them. Deal with it ;).